This day started off great. I went to my appointment this morning. The misoprostol pills I took last night worked and my cervix was soft. The Doctor brought me in to dilate and he was pleasantly surprised when the catheter went through. He scheduled my second HSG test for 10am and I left the office elated.
Fast forward to 10am. HSG test round two. I walk into the same room, lay on the same table, have the same technician but this time I'm feeling hopeful. I lay down, the Doctor starts clamping down my cervix and puts the catheter through. It's painful but I think to myself, it's almost over. Then I hear him say "hmm"...oh no, that's NOT what I wanted to hear. My legs started shaking and I had to remind myself to breathe. For the next few minutes, my Doctor discussed my confusing uterus with the radiologist. Both men were trying to figure out what the hell was going on and why they couldn't see anything.
Conclusion (which may or may not be true, only surgery will tell): I have so much scar tissue that there's only one little pocket left in my uterus. The catheter went through my cervix however from there everything is blocked. Next step is surgery, a laparoscopy & hysteroscopy in two weeks. So for now, this is all I know.
I held it together this time, got dressed, walked to the car and THEN lost it. I have never been so frustrated with my body. Currently I'm mad at myself for having the D&C back in January. I don't think I'll ever know if it was my last Doctor's fault or my body's fault for healing incorrectly. I'm having a lot of regrets and pretty much beating myself up.
The events of today have completely drained me. My mood went from a state of extreme happiness to utter depression in less than three hours. Once again, I'm picking myself back up and moving forward. Let's see, what can I be happy for? I'm happy I already have my surgery scheduled for Tuesday, August 5th. I'm also very happy that this surgery will cost me $0 since I've already met my out of pocket deductible.
I REFUSE TO SINK