Jen's Anchor of Hope

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Let's talk about you and me...the moment I started writing this post this song popped into my head and will probably stay there all day now!

Please stop reading this if 1. you don't want to hear about my sex life or 2. you're family, sorry mom!

This past week has been torture! By torture, I mean I've had to have sex every night this week. Ok, I have to laugh at that last sentence. I remember in the beginning of our relationship we couldn't get enough of each other. Like many people, we were infatuated with each other. That lust soon turned into love and the comfortable, married stage kicked in. You know!

Fast forward to baby making. Yeah it sounds fun, you get to throw caution to the wind and have unprotected sex. It makes the first month exciting. Maybe even the next. Then a few months go by and the thought of having to have sex on designated days becomes a chore. Now, fast forward to the moment you're sitting in front of your RE. At this point, you've probably taken some kind of fertility drug. Maybe you've even administered shots. You basically live at the Doctor's office and giving blood and having ultrasounds is as common as eating breakfast and brushing your teeth. Your Doctor examines you and says, it's go time. Your "homework" is to be intimate with each other.

Who are you kidding, ALL REMNANTS OF INTIMACY ARE GONE! You're no longer having sex for fun, sex is now a full time job.

By the way, did I mention all I can think about during sex is OPK tests, what's my BBT, did I take my pills for that day, is my uterus tilted enough for the sperm to swim, when he finishes how long should I lie on my back, should my legs be raised or can I just lay on a pillow, will this be the night we get pregnant?

Oh, did I also mention we're currently living with my parents because we can't move into our new home until August? I left that part out, sorry. So yeah, on top of all these crazy thoughts running through my head I'm also thinking, I'm in my childhood room, across the hall is my little brother, down the hall are my parents, can anyone hear, how fast can we make this "act of love," we should have rented a hotel room for the week!

Special thanks to Tony for being able to perform. If the rolls were reversed I would have caved under the stress and pressure. Thanks Babe ♥

Mom if for some reason you're still reading this I'm sorry for any future weirdness. We can pretend you don't know what's going on under your roof. You want a grandchild right!

During this TWW (two week wait) I think we'll just stick to hugs and kisses because I need a much deserved break!

#Day100

Today marks my last day of #100HappyDays and also the first day of my TWW (two week wait).

I'm going to miss this daily challenge. It forced me to stop and appreciate my life and to find that one thing a day that made me really happy. Some days it was a quote, a picture with friends, and many times a delicious meal or treat. Either way, this challenge reminded me that being happy is a choice.

Toady is 1dpo (day past ovulation) yay!!! This also means the dreaded TWW that many of my fellow TTC sisters understand all too well. I'm trying to keep myself very busy.

I go back to the Doctor on Monday to check my progesterone levels. I know it'll be way too soon to see anything, but hopefully everything looks ok and he doesn't see hundreds of cysts everywhere. I have my cheap Wondfo pregnancy tests ready. 50 count to be exact! Not sure when my crazy POAS self will kick in and want to start testing. I'm thinking maybe 9-10dpo.

When did you all start testing?

Please Do Not Disturb

Finally got a positive OPK test!!!

I got my dark test line this morning at 5:30 am, so of course I had to bring tests with me to work. Any sane person would do this correct? Anyways, I like to keep the test horizontal and what better way to transport a test then inside a file folder. Did I mention I left the test IN the file folder. Hopefully the cleaning guy doesn't start peeking around.

Progression of Wondfo Ovulation Kit:

Here's what my BBT chart looks like:

Meds:

C = Clomid

M = Metformin

E = Estradiol

Retail Therapy

While I'm waiting for my positive OPK I decided I needed a little retail therapy. I just ordered these three sleep shirts from Forever 21. I got one last year and it held up pretty well. I used to buy my sleep shirts from Victoria's Secret, but they can get pricey. For $10 each you can't go wrong. Plus I love the sayings!

Estrogen Is A B-I-T-C-H

I'm on my third day of Estradiol, a form of estrogen, to increase my lining and it's kicking my ass. This little blue pill is causing massive waves of nausea, blotting, an upset stomach, and breast tenderness I've never felt before. Is this what other women feel during their periods? I'm used to producing high levels of testosterone, so introducing estrogen into my system has been quite the shock. Hopefully it's doing it's job and my lining is increasing.

Over in OPK land...my lines keep getting darker! I'm hoping to get a positive in the next few days. I find that I get the best results in the morning. I try to hold my bladder for the afternoon and evening tests, however I've been drinking so much water it's been hard to do.

Here's what my BBT chart looks like:

Meds:
M=Metformin 1500mg
C=Clomid 100mg
E=Estradiol

Two Beautiful Eggs

I can't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now. Today is CD12. I took 100 mg of clomid on days 5-9. This morning I went in for blood work and an ultrasound and received the best news I've had in a long time.

My body is approaching ovulation, my follicles are maturing, and I have two beautiful eggs!!!

My left ovary measures: 18, 10, 8, 6
My right ovary measures: 18, 8, 6, 4

Both of my ovaries produced an egg, now we just wait and see which one matures and is fertilized. But here's the catch, the Doctor thinks that my follicles are growing at the same pace and believes BOTH eggs with mature. He said there's a very high possibility of twins. Yes, I'm currently freaking out! I'm both excited and nervous and overall scared out of my fucking mind. We will cross that bridge when we get there.

While my Doctor was examining me he said I 100% have endometriosis. He said the best way to cure my endo right now was to get me pregnant fast. My lining is also very thin because I'm producing too much testosterone, so he put me on estrogen pills for the next week. I feel confident I'm in good hands.

Our homework...BD (baby dance) this whole week :)

I'm still using my OPKs and will start testing three times a day now to see when I actually ovulate. Last night I got a very faint line. The POAS addict in me wants to test every hour but I know I'm still a few days away. If my follies grow at 2-3mm a day I'm thinking I'll hit 28mm around Tuesday or Wednesday.

I'm going to remain positive and think only happy thoughts this next week. I'm just so happy the second round of clomid worked and I'm on the right track to ovulate. I go back on Monday June 30th for blood work.

Currently accepting baby dust.

POAS Addict

Hi my name is Jen and I'm a POAS addict.

POAS = Pee On A Stick

I'm currently peeing on these twice a day...

Ok I already lied, sometimes I pee on these three times a day. In my defense, I just want to make sure I catch the exact minute I ovulate. So far I haven't seen a 'real' positive. In the past I've seen a faint line...then nothing.

I highly recommend buying the Wondfo brand. I've used Clearblue Advanced (the one with the smiley face) and First Response One-Step Ovulation, however they're really expensive. Plus they only give you enough to test one time a day and that just doesn't work for me.

I bought the Wondfo Ovulation tests from Amazon. I also bought the Wondfo Pregnancy tests. Who knows how long this journey will last and I've already wasted so much money on tests, why not save a few bucks!

POAS addicts remember you're not alone. There are millions of other women squatting on toilets, peeing on sticks, and occasionally peeing on their hands at this very moment. Sending positive OPKs your way!

Clomid Update

I'm currently on CD9. I took 100mg of clomid on CD3-7...

CD3 - nothing
CD4 - breast tenderness
CD5 - crazy amounts of jellyfish like CM, breast tenderness, and back pain
CD6 - jellyfish CM, back pain
CD7 - no CM completely dry, bloating, abdominal pain
CD8 - bloating, abdominal pain
CD9 - bloating

So far no hot flashes or mood swings. I'm getting nervous this round isn't working. Is is crazy I WANT hot flashes so at least I knew clomid was working? Hopefully my abdominal pain means little follicles are growing, fingers crossed!

Jellyfish Cervical Mucus, Breast Tenderness, and Back Pain

Day Three of Clomid...

I woke up early this morning to breast tenderness and back pain. I was also welcomed by what I call, jellyfish cervical mucus. It's just what it sounds like. I heard clomid drys many women up, maybe that will kick in after all the pills are over. So far no mood swings or hot flashes. This round of clomid at 100mg is already very different from my first round at 50mg.

I also want to start testing with OPKs (ovulation predictor kits). Anyone know when it's safe to start testing? I don't want a false positive. Either way I have my cheap Wondfos ready.

Starting Second Round Of Clomid

Unfortunately my one follicle, which I named Holly the follie, only grew 2mm. The Doctor wasn't even sure if it was maturing or turning into yet another cyst. I knew it was a long shot to hope my body would magically start ovulating, but worth a try. Good news, my bladder infection is almost 100% healed.

Tonight I start my second round of Clomid. This time I'm taking 100 mg, so hopefully it kicks my body into high gear. Bring on the mood swings, the abdominal swelling, nausea, headaches, and hot flashes. I'm ready.

I go back for my next ultrasound June 21st, fingers crossed SOMETHING, ANYTHING is happening in my uterus!

Grow Little Follie Grow

Last week I had cramps on and off, so I called my RE to make an appointment. Friday night the pain started to get stronger. Saturday I started to worry because the pain was getting stronger and it was hard to stand up straight. On Sunday I was a mess. I Googled everything I could and decided it was one of two things: Exploding cysts OR my insides were filling with blood and I was dying. Last night I slept a total of two hours. When I wasn't sleeping I was crying because the pain hurt so bad. I wanted to go to the hospital around 3 am but Tony reminded me that my RE appointment was at 6 am and by the time I filled out paperwork at the hospital it wouldn't be worth it.

So I waited and went to the RE at 6 am this morning for blood work and an ultrasound. Originally I was going to see if I could start my next round of clomid tonight. The moment my Doctor started the ultrasound I started crying because the pain was so bad. He started measuring and moving around down there and asked me a few questions. At first he thought I had Endometritis, which is not ruled out yet, however once the transducer passed by my bladder I screamed. He told me to sit up and said I have good and bad news.

The bad news, you have a bladder infection. Wait.........this was good news, what is he talking about. I started smiling and said, "so that's it, nothing is bursting or exploding in my uterus?" He looked at me and said yes, this is painful but easily cured. Cue to the music! To me, this was good news. I'm on meds that turn my pee orange and make me nauseous but who cares, it's only a bladder infection. The pain still hurts like hell, however I see an end in sight.

The good news, drum roll please, my right ovary is popping out cysts however my left ovary showed one small follicle measuring 5 mm. My body is actually trying to ovulate on it's own!!! My Doctor wants me to come back Thursday morning to monitor the little follie. Fingers crossed it matures and doesn't turn into a cyst.

Obviously I can't start my next round of clomid tonight, I have to just wait and see what my body does next. The first step is getting rid of this bladder infection. Can you get pregnant on one mature follie? I can't help but to cheer her on. Since there's only one in there I feel like I need to name her. Yes I want to name my follicle, so I understand if you no longer want to be my friend, I'm just so excited :)

NYC Lower Manhattan Trend Walk

If you follow me on Instagram, then you were inundated with pictures from my NYC trend walk yesterday. We were looking at food, fragrance, fashion and art for inspiration. This was not a public food crawl or trend walk, however I highly recommend exploring NYC and all it has to offer. On this particular walk we only focused on a small area in Lower Manhattan, from the Lower East Side, to SoHo, Greenwich Village, and ended in the West Village.

Here's a snapshot of our day...